Asperger
Love: Searching for Romance When You're Not Wired to Connect by Amy Harmon. A New York Times/Byliner Original. Available for Kindle, iPad, Kobo, and Nook, $2.99.
And Straight On Till Morning: Essays on Autism Acceptance, edited by Julia Bascom. Published by the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network. Available for Kindle, $2.99.
Reviewed by Steve Silberman
In the early 1990s, a mother told a conference of autism
professionals that the upside of having a teenager on the spectrum at home is that
they will never want to do the things that often get kids in trouble. There will
be no need for awkward conversations about sex, because people with autism are
either uninterested in or incapable of intimacy. Parents won't have to worry
about a late-night knock on the door from the local sheriff, because autistic teens
have no desire to party. If these generalizations now seem naïve, offensive, or
some combination of the two, this mother had a lot of company in her assumptions.
The notion that people on the spectrum are disinclined to seek connection with
others is embedded in the very word autism,
which is derived from the Greek word for self, autos.
One of the world's leading
authorities on the subject, psychologist Tony Attwood, devotes only a handful
of pages in his Complete Guide to
Asperger's Syndrome to sexuality and relationships. Specifically, there are
two references to "lack of desire," four to pornography, two to
exploitation by predators, and two to celibacy. Casting a further chilling
effect on the notion of romance, Atwood cautions potential suitors that people on
the spectrum may find a friendly touch on the arm "unpleasant and even
difficult to tolerate, let alone enjoy" because of sensory sensitivity,
and compares embracing an autistic partner to "hugging a piece of
wood." This is the historical backdrop that looms -- albeit invisibly to
most readers -- behind the publication of a new ebook by Pulitzer prize-winning
New York Times reporter Amy Harmon, Asperger Love: Searching for Romance When
You're Not Wired to Connect.